In fact, the topic of assertiveness is nothing other than the central idea of the four authors of the book on Crucial Conversations, which I have repeatedly recommended: how to avoid the traps of passive or aggressive behavior (and how to maintain the Safety Zone). Similarly to assertiveness theory, the authors here are concerned with […]
How would you react if someone told you that you have the right to say what you think? Or to be treated with respect? Or that you have the right to be happy? When I first encountered the rights of the assertive person, I thought: “Well, of course we have these rights; there’s no need […]
I continue the theme of meta-communication as the only means of breaking out of the vicious circle of “games without end,” as systemic psychotherapy refers to the series of repetitive conflict interactions that never lead to resolution. One way to step out of this vicious circle and to look from a higher (meta-) level is […]
The best way to understand how we shift from the “content aspect” to the “relationship aspect” in communication, when conversations become difficult, is through examples. The authors of “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High”, which I cannot recommend enough, have done an excellent job with this complex and nuanced task. Here I […]
According to systemic psychotherapy, very often a problem is nothing more than a repeating series of unsuccessful attempts to solve it. Most commonly, these are recurring relational patterns with other people that escalate into conflict each time and lead to a dead end. Systemic therapists call these patterns “endless games,” and they are among the […]
Which Comes First – the Chicken or the Egg? If you can answer this question, you will understand who is responsible for the way you feel and react when communication with another person becomes difficult. And if you do not know the correct answer, here is my proposal: you are responsible. If you understand this—not […]
One of the most important things to understand about communication is that when we converse with another person, we are not only exchanging information – we are also exchanging emotional attitudes. In systemic psychotherapy, these two layers are called the “content aspect” and the “relationship aspect.” Of the two, what truly matters for successful communication […]
“Only when you have a clear sense of your own boundaries can you connect deeply with another. Unclear boundaries lead to the loss of self rather than to love. To experience true love, you must be able to use your masculine energy as effectively as your feminine.” — Pamela Kribbe, Heart-Centered Living, p. 201 Note: […]
The way to deal with our primal fight-or-flight reactions (which lead to the two killers of dialogue – silence or aggression) is by working on the mindset we bring into a conversation. These attitudes are present from the very moment we encounter the other person and continue throughout the entire interaction. Typically, we are not […]
If you want to improve your communication skills, here is one practical idea suggested by the authors of “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High”: “one good way to increase your self-awareness is to explore your Style Under Stress.” This is critically important, because when our sense of safety in communication is threatened, […]
We communicate all the time. Just like we breathe. Even when we remain silent in the presence of others, we still communicate. Sometimes silence even speaks louder than words. We also communicate when we are alone – this time with ourselves, having endless inner dialogues, immersed in the whirlwind of thoughts. We tend to think […]
I recommend this book – Crucial Conversations, with the subtitle Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. The authors are four men with extensive experience in this field – Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. If I were to give in to the impulse of my rising sign Aries, I would recommend […]
