This is the title of one of the final chapters in Mariana Caplan’s book, “Halfway Up the Mountain: The Error of Premature Claims to Enlightenment”—“The Sadhana of Disillusionment.” What is written in it is something that is not often discussed, yet for me, it is exceptionally valuable. I believe it will be the same for people for whom spirituality is not just a practice during morning yoga or an interesting read in the evening, but a fundamental attitude that permeates every part of their daily life. I know that even if these people are not many, the message in this chapter will mean a lot to them, because some ideas of “popular spirituality” lead to delusions and deviations from the path toward maturity and higher levels of mental health.
To explain what I mean, I will start from a bit further away—from the so-called teachings that tell us we must think positively to be well. Because of their proximity to “common sense,” they sound convincing, and a large number of people believe in them. The problem is, as Plamen Dimitrov says in an article recently sent to me, that “positive thinking neurotizes and makes people dependent.” According to him:
“The New Age movement, which emphasizes only positive thinking, actually seriously traumatizes and exploits people. It puts to sleep their ability for deep and comprehensive analysis of things, for a connection with reality. This is an entire new religion preached by ambitious gurus. With the claim of being based on observations, it selectively uses both scientific research and religious beliefs to manipulate people.”
This is exactly what happened to one of my clients. She had recently undergone major stomach surgery abroad. When I asked about her expectations for our work together, she replied that she wanted me to help her forget the trauma of the experiences associated with this operation—that she longed to return to her previous way of life when she was very cheerful, positive, and happy. When I asked how she viewed the connection between the body and the psyche, she said without hesitation that one must have positive thoughts to fight the disease. One of her staple books was by John Kehoe, and the way she treated not only her illness but everything unpleasant that had happened in her life so far was to try to get rid of it as quickly as possible with the help of positive thinking.
After orienting myself to her problem, I told her that I would have to disillusion her, because I would not be able to help her achieve that goal. I explained why I believe we cannot hide our heads in the sand of positive thinking for a lifetime—if it were as written in her favorite book, she would have managed on her own by now, given that she was putting so much effort into positive thinking.
To my joy, she was able to hear my arguments that believing in the power of positive thinking does not correspond to the facts of reality. Because the facts were that before her illness, she had been a “positivist.” How was it that, despite her positive thinking, she still fell ill? Also, why do young children, who do not yet suffer from negative thinking, also fall ill with serious diseases? Obviously, the connection between the psyche and the soul is not as simple as positivist books try to present to us.
With a few more arguments from the field of psychotherapy, my client began to understand that her failure to free herself from depression through positive thinking was not due to a lack of effort on her part. She learned that the ratio between the conscious and subconscious mind is dramatically in favor of the subconscious, and there is no way for the small part of our conscious attitude to make the vast part of the subconscious obey it. The mind cannot command the soul. The law of balance and psychological wholeness cannot be repealed just because we have decided to delude ourselves into thinking we are fine when we are actually not.
Positivism is a sure way to close our eyes to the painful and unpleasant part of our lives. It is an expression of one-sidedness and feeds the ego’s illusions of believing it can control the events of our lives with the power of the mind and self-suggestion. The mind, of course, has its very important role, but it is not to “call the shots.” Its role is to understand the interconnections between things—to illuminate the “dark part” within us, expanding the zone of our awareness.
It is specifically illusions and their shattering that the Sadhana of Disillusionment is about. I have seen enough to know that a similar kind of positivism exists within spirituality as well. One of the most truth-distorting beliefs is that with every step taken on the spiritual path, we become increasingly virtuous and happy.
Well, “yes, but no,” as the saying goes. Driven by suffering, we begin to seek solutions in the field of spirituality. At the beginning of this path, we feel inspired, thinking we have found the answer. We believe our faith and virtue will liberate us from suffering. But years pass, and we realize what the spiritual teachers who walked before us already know: that suffering, in fact, does not disappear. What disappears is only the ego. However, because of this, the suffering is endured in a completely different way.
“Most people do not want spiritual work because they do not want the slow process of grinding, of milling. This is very unpleasant, very painful. This is what the suffering on the spiritual path consists of—the ego gives up its belief in its independence, its belief that it is the master, that it exists.” — Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, p. 488, from the book Halfway Up the Mountain
It becomes clear that such a grinding of the ego does not happen when we succeed in our spiritual practices and achieve a lasting state of bliss or direct communion with the Source. It happens through the exact opposite. In Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s book Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, cited by Mariana Caplan, it says:
“Once we have set out on the spiritual path, we must be aware that it is very painful and be prepared for it. We subject ourselves to the pain of self-exposure, the stripping away of our clothes, our skin, nerves, heart, brain, until we present ourselves completely naked before the universe. Nothing will remain of us.” — Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, p. 488, from the book Halfway Up the Mountain
The stage of disillusionment is inevitable for those who have taken the narrow and steep path hoping it will bring them salvation from pain. This disappointment is the result of beliefs in the style of “spiritual positivism.” The attempt to escape suffering through spiritual practices is, at its core, no different from the attempt to escape into the depths of positive thinking. But in this disillusionment, there is a hidden blessing. Even if it looks like failure in the eyes of the ego, through the eyes of the spirit, it is a gift—an opportunity to practice the so-called “Sadhana of Disillusionment,” intended for liberation from illusions.
“Dis-illusionment, dis-enchantment in the spiritual life is the destruction of all illusions, the shaking off, the emptying of them from us. It is a process of humility in which one discovers not only that the spiritual life is not what they thought it was, and their achievements are not what they imagined, but that they themselves are not who they imagined themselves to be. Disillusionment is not ‘bad’ or ‘negative,’ but the necessary and inevitable result of destroying the fortress of the ego.” — Mariana Caplan, p. 483, from the book Halfway Up the Mountain
All the authors I respect share the same quality—wisdom. Wisdom that stems from the realization of the limitations of one’s own perspective, as well as the relativity of what is good and evil, what is right and wrong. On this site, I have already cited Paul Watzlawick (Human Maturity), Liz Greene (On Awareness), and Carl Jung (The Later Years of a Mystic). Comfort in my therapeutic work is provided by M. Scott Peck (What Does a Fulfilling Life Mean?), and Kahlil Gibran’s poem “Defeat” is a true recipe for alchemizing the bitterness of disappointment. This series of names could be extended indefinitely.
“From a certain perspective, the entire spiritual life is a process of disillusionment—every inflated bubble of the ego that bursts is a disillusionment; every notion of enlightenment that turns out to be empty is a disillusionment; every claim of achieved enlightenment whose deceptiveness is exposed is a disillusionment… Disillusionment is the path that all great saints, teachers, and practitioners have traveled. It is the path of humility and compassion that no non-dual insight, no matter how great, can provide. You will often meet teachers who have not gone through the process of disillusionment uttering expressions like ‘God is bliss,’ ‘All is love,’ ‘Peace is eternal,’ while there are teachers who have matured through disillusionment who say ‘There is always something to learn,’ ‘There is no end,’ ‘There is no way to avoid suffering,’ and ‘The spiritual life is a process of constant diminishment.’ While some claim that the perfection of enlightenment leads to a state of omniscience, disillusionment is a transition from knowing to not-knowing.” — Mariana Caplan, p. 485, from the book Halfway Up the Mountain
The “Sadhana of Disillusionment” is the process of humbling, of shattering the illusions and claims of the ego, our identifications, and expectations. It is the failure of our expectations that someday in the future, when we achieve enlightenment, our suffering will disappear. This, however, is not the truth. Achieving enlightenment does not lead to the disappearance of suffering, but to a different attitude toward it—where we can even celebrate it. It is a state of extreme ordinariness, not of infinite bliss and ecstasy (“The Higher Detour“). Or, as it is said in Zen Buddhism: “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”
“Years ago, I was exchanging notes with a friend who had a similar background… and as we looked back at the path traveled, we said things like: ‘Okay, am I suffering less?’ ‘No, not really. It’s just a different attitude, but I don’t suffer less than before.’ ‘And what about virtue? Do you feel more righteous now?’ ‘Oh no, definitely not.’ ‘Me neither.’… ‘And what about the quality of your experiences? Have they become richer, deeper?’ ‘No, I would rather say the opposite. In the beginning, my experiences seemed deeper to me.’ There was nothing we could say we were doing better, but in the end, we said: ‘But I think I’ve come a long way.’ We agreed that we had undergone development, but we couldn’t name exactly what it consisted of. It was more a sense of development through the realization of what was left behind us.” — Claudio Naranjo, from the book Halfway Up the Mountain
Claudio Naranjo is not only a spiritual teacher but also a renowned Gestalt therapist. What he shared above makes me like him even more. I find it very authentic because it corresponds to my own experience as well. Although I had read the book (and the chapter on the Sadhana of Disillusionment) years ago, I hadn’t paid attention to what was written there then. Now, however, I understood it with my “deeper self.” Likely because understanding requires experience. You have to have tried. To have tried many times. And then comes the disillusionment. For people who know what this looks like, it will likely be a comfort to know that this disappointment is yet another step on the path of spiritual transformation, in which what looks like failure is actually success.
And this path is full of paradoxes. I am reminded of the teachings of Lao Tzu, as well as St. John of the Cross, the author of the concept of the Dark Night of the Soul.
“By the same steps we ascend and descend the ladder; so it is with this secret contemplation, for these same communications that elevate the soul to God, then humble it regarding itself. For the communications that are truly from God have this quality: they humble the soul and at the same time exalt it. Therefore, on this path, to descend is to ascend, and to ascend is to descend, for he who humbles himself is exalted, and he who exalts himself is humbled…” — St. John of the Cross, p. 486, from the book Halfway Up the Mountain
When we have ascended and descended these steps more than once, it no longer makes an impression on us whether we are going up or down. We begin to look at life more cheerfully because we already know that whatever happens is welcome. It is just a different form that communion with life takes in that moment. That is when a sense of humor arrives. This is likely what Ray Bradbury meant when he said:
“The first thing you learn in life is that you are a fool. The last thing you learn is that you are the same fool. Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I come to my senses.” — Ray Bradbury, p. 485, from the book Halfway Up the Mountain
That is it. I felt the need to share some ideas that “bring one to their senses” and illuminate the mature forms of spirituality—ideas that bring balance to the militant positivism that is a widespread form of thinking. And to add that although I am not a proponent of positivism, I do not reject optimism. On the contrary. That is why it is important not to confuse these two. Positivism is the attitude that the outcome will be good in the end, but according to the ego’s criteria of what “good” means. Optimism is the attitude that the outcome will be good in the end, even if it doesn’t happen the way we want or imagine it. That it will be good according to what is good for our soul. And if we must go through pain and trials, we will be given the strength and help to handle them, so that in the end, we emerge from what has happened stronger. And freer.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
