Lately, by some recurring coincidence, I often find myself speaking with people who are going through one form or another of despair. These are people who have been engaged in spiritual healing and growth for many years, yet they reach a point where they begin to feel stuck and see no results from their efforts. Here is what Michael Tamura says about this in his book You Are the Answer:
“Releasing pain—whether heartache, emotional trauma, or mental distress—does not mean that you must try to get rid of it. To release something first means to allow it to be.
You may not like the problem, but you must agree with the fact that it exists. Then, and only then, will conditions begin to change. When you are willing to give it space to exist, rather than trying to eliminate it, it will begin to complete its own cycle. Everything seeks its fulfillment and struggles for its own survival.
Why is it so difficult to allow pain or a problem simply to be? Most often because we fear that if we do nothing about it, we will be stuck with it forever. You may be thinking: ‘I can’t stand it for even another minute. It is making me sick. It is hurting me.’
If we give the problem such power and authority, it will control our lives. Fortunately, the truth is that you do not have to do that. No matter how bad the situation seems, when you are willing to turn inward and face whatever trials you encounter, healing begins.” (pp. 99–101)
Healing begins when we consent to the facts, even when we do not like them. What all the people who had reached the phase of despair had in common was that each of them was rejecting pain in one form or another. As a result, the knot around them kept tightening.
According to Tamura, it is precisely intolerance of the situation and the desire to escape that makes the sought-for change impossible. From personal experience, I know what this looks like. The greater the resistance that the integrating energy of the spirit encounters, the longer the path of change becomes. Like a rock that slowly and painfully turns into sand under the blows of ocean waves, our changes seem to us as small as grains of sand. That is why it is important to know about the hidden ripening of our inner processes. A day comes when the rock suddenly collapses.
“In the end, resistance is futile; it only obstructs our fulfillment. The more we resist, the more we divide our power and separate ourselves from our spiritual purpose. If we continue to resist, we find ourselves in isolation and pain. Only through willingness can we begin to heal the wounds within ourselves and fulfill our spiritual Self.”
Michael Tamura, You Are the Answer, p. 132
The difficulty of reaching the state of willingness is that it does not occur by virtue of our conscious attitude of acceptance alone. We first have to pass through the phase of denying the facts (along the lines of “everything is fine with me”), then through anger (toward ourselves and others); we continue with the stage of bargaining (including bargaining with God—that we will believe in Him if He performs a miracle); finally, we may retreat into the mind with thoughts of our own specialness as yet another means of escaping pain (rationalizations). Despair comes last.
“Finally, when nothing works, you abandon all hope, all solutions, all negotiations, and all rationalizations. You can’t fight anymore; there is no meaning in life and nothing matters anymore. You surrender to defeat: Just take me away. I don’t care; let me die. Let’s get this over with. You close your eyes and wait for the blow.
At this moment you move from resignation to acceptance, from resistance to surrender to the inevitable. Everything is better than where I am. You turn inward from your ego-identity consciousness to your spiritual Self-consciousness. Instead of resisting and building illusions against your fears, you willingly choose to understand what is.
You realize that more than the pain itself, it was your fear and your resistance to what might happen that hurt you.
Your ego-mind removes its resistance. It is now open to new awareness. You begin to observe the actions of your mind, and understanding flows into it. Past beliefs about your identity become visible and begin to dissolve. You begin to experience a higher awareness of who you are. This is the beginning of change, the awakening of the spirit, true learning, and healing. You are no longer the ego rearranging the furniture and putting new wallpaper over old paint.
You have entered a larger house now—the house of your spiritual Self.”
Michael Tamura, You Are the Answer, pp. 147–148
I believe that in the time we live in—when many people are going through processes of spiritual awakening—such knowledge is invaluable. It has helped me greatly, both in my own personal processes as someone who has herself passed through the phase of resistance, and as a psychotherapist working with people who refuse to accept the facts and therefore remain stuck in therapy. I now know that the client’s sense of helplessness also means, to no small degree, the therapist’s helplessness. The only thing the therapist can do is to inform and to be infinitely patient.
Sharing the knowledge above is one such act of informing.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
