“*The most important factor to bear in mind when we try to understand a relationship is the sad fact that people lie.
They lie to themselves, to their family and friends, to their spouse and beloved, and often even to their God! They often see themselves, as well as the relationship they are in, through the haze of dreams and hopes. They want a particular partnership or marriage to work or not to work. They interpret it according to their imagination. Unable to face themselves, they may place the blame on those closest to them; they may be unable to relate on a real basis, or they may place those they love on some imaginary pedestal. These people may at the same time blame and exalt their beloved, using imagination as the basis of reason. Thus, consciously or unconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally, people color the truth.*”
— Martin Schulman, Karmic Astrology, Vol. 3
I decided to share this quotation from Martin Schulman because it helps us see the distortion of reality that we often call a lie in a slightly different way. I believe that the more frequent form of lying is unconscious lying. That is why, more often than not, we do not lie intentionally. When we look at lying in this way, the first thing that happens is that we stop being so accusatory toward what we recognize as a lie. The second consequence is that we begin to understand the reasons that lie at its foundation, and this is the first step toward overcoming them.
When we realize that at the foundation of lying lies nothing other than our desire to see things in a certain way, we begin to examine more carefully the reality in which we live. And the most important of all aspects of this reality to examine is desire. For it is precisely our desires that are one of the main factors in the distortions of reality that we call lies. When we are aware of our desire and at the same time in contact with the reality of its object, we understand how realistic it is to expect to obtain what we want.
Very often I have seen (and continue to see) women who accuse their partners of not doing certain things that are implicitly expected to be done in a partnership. The problem is that these men, for one reason or another, cannot or do not want to do them. In this case, to see that your partner cannot or does not want to give you what you want, yet to continue wanting it, is a form of lying.
This is one of the things psychotherapy helps with – to uncover the unpleasant truths that have been avoided for years. If a person does not flee from this truth, healing begins.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
*Translation from Bulgarian
