Below is an excerpt from Thomas Moore’s book Care of the Soul, which I decided to share because it offers yet another perspective on the theme of normality through the prism of social consensus. This is yet another article that comments on this topic, following the articles on:
- First- and second-order reality (the tradition of systemic psychotherapy), and
- Pamela Kribbe on the second blockage on the path of surrender: “the ideals and standards of society”.
Those who are familiar with analytical psychology will recognize the strong presence here of Jung’s ideas and his well-known remark: “Show me a sane man and I will cure him.” Moralizing is one of the greatest killers of the soul, which is why Thomas Moore’s words are invaluable.
“To a degree, care of the soul requires that we open our hearts wider than ever before, softening the judgment and moralizing that may have characterized our attitudes and behavior for many years. Moralizing is one of the most effective weapons against the soul, protecting us from its complexity. Nothing is more revealing — and perhaps more healing — than rethinking our moralistic attitudes and discovering how much soul has been hidden behind them.
Moreover, when we come to know the soul and bravely acknowledge its oddities and the many ways in which it manifests in individuals, we may develop a taste for the perverse. We may come to appreciate its eccentricities and crookedness. And finally, we may truly realize that individuality is born more in the eccentricity and the unexpected shadowy inclinations of the soul than in normality and conformity.
The one who cares for the soul has no problem with the strange and the unexpected. When I lecture future therapists about the shadow, I sometimes ask: ‘Where, for you, is the boundary of the perverse? Where is the point at which you encounter your own fear and revulsion?’ Some say that this boundary is sexual abuse, and I wonder how such people can work professionally with abused or abusing patients. Others say it is cruelty of any kind. Still others find sexual fantasies perverse. Anyone can ask themselves the same question.
Where do I hit a wall when I look into my own heart? Where is the boundary?
It is no coincidence that the history of art is full of grotesque images — bloodied and distorted crucifixions, exquisitely deformed bodies, and surreal landscapes. Sometimes deviation from the normal is a specific revelation. In alchemy it was called an action against nature.
In our own lives we may notice the same kind of artistic manifestations. When normality explodes or shatters into madness and shadow, we might look closely at the potential meaning of the event before trying to restore the familiar order. If we are to be curious about the soul, we may have to explore its deviations, its perverse tendency to oppose expectations.
As a result, we may become suspicious of normality. A façade of normality may conceal many deviations. At the same time, it is quite easy to recognize the soullessness in the standardization of experience.”
Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul, pp. 14–15
Behind the façade of normality there are not merely deviations that we sometimes call perverse. Behind the façade of normality lie buried fragments of the soul, cut-off aspects of our difference that frighten those who take pride in their normality. The march of average-mindedness stiffens our lives with fear of rejection, and our adaptation feels like failure when it comes at the expense of the expression of our difference and uniqueness. The good news is that we live in a time when tolerance toward the differences of others is increasing — together with the courage to express our own.
And so, this is the essential question:
“Where do I hit a wall when I look into my own heart? Where is the boundary?”
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
*Note: The quotations are translated from Bulgarian.
