“Sometimes people who have nothing to offer in a real relationship look like they are bringing us the whole world.
They are so detached from their own feelings that they have become genius actors, unconsciously playing the role written by our fantasy. But the responsibility for the pain we experience remains our own. If we were not looking for a cheap thrill, we would not believe the lie… Women sometimes ask me: ‘Marianne, why do I always meet men who abuse my feelings?’ My answer is most often this: ‘The problem is not that you meet them, but that you give them your phone number.’
The problem, in other words, is not that we attract a certain kind of people, but that we are attracted to a certain kind of people. For example, someone who abuses our feelings might remind us of one or both of our parents. ‘He radiates distance and a slight disapproval—I will feel at home here.’ In that case, the problem is not that they cause us pain, but that we feel comfortable with it. It is well known to us.”
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
If this is the answer that the “Lessons of Love” brought to you now, perhaps at this very moment you have the opportunity to change your pattern of falling in love by realizing what type of partners you are usually attracted to, so that next time you think before giving them your phone number. Because the responsibility is ours—for both the pain and the happiness in our lives—and this is one of the most fundamental lessons of love.
