“You can recognize the dominance of the ego by the need for control.
For example, when you want certain people to behave in a certain way. To make this happen, you use specific patterns of behavior. For instance, you are compliant, pleasant, and you try never to hurt anyone’s feelings. Behind such behavior lies the desire for control: ‘I will not oppose you because I want you to love me.’ Such a line of behavior is based on fear—the fear of being dependent on someone, the fear of being rejected and left alone. What you think is being ‘nice’ and ‘remarkable’ is, in reality, a form of self-sacrifice.
This is the ego in action.”
Pamela Kribbe, The Jeshua Channelings
This is a valuable perspective on understanding the nature of the ego—specifically, that when we suppress our true feelings to avoid hurting someone else, it may actually be our “inverted ego” in action. At first glance, this act looks like self-sacrifice. But if the other person does not reciprocate our sacrifice and we become filled with bitterness and resentment, is it truly self-sacrifice? Because true sacrifice is not a deal.
How do we escape this impossible situation?
By becoming conscious of our internal conflict. By stopping the pendulum swing between angry outbursts followed by guilt and remorse. By standing in the center of our opposing desires and admitting our weakness—the fear of being authentic because we are dependent on the support or approval of another.
Initially, the experience of being in the middle of such a conflict is extremely painful; the tension rises dramatically, and we feel at a dead end. It is difficult to act when you have two equally strong yet opposite desires. It is necessary to give ourselves time until the solution matures. Eventually, a moment comes when, from standing long enough in the center of the conflict, strength bursts forth—the strength to be real and to stand on our own two feet, even if it means the world might reject us.
We also learn the skill of expressing our truth through the position of “pure speech” (see Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication model).
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
