On soul agreements, growth, and self-acceptance – by John L. Payne
“There is much speculation and misunderstanding around this topic. When most of you speak of a spiritual partner, you assume this is the person you will fall in love with and live happily ever after. You may even feel that this one very special person has been your beloved in many, many lifetimes and that you are simply waiting for them to appear again in this life.
… You are beings oriented toward growth. This is why many of you become confused when you meet the person of your dreams, fall happily in love, declare, ‘This soul is my spiritual partner,’ and then, a few years later, have to pick yourselves up piece by piece when the relationship falls apart or when the person you love turns out to have problems or character traits that do not work for you. And yet, this was your spiritual partner — and you have many such partners!
Entering each lifetime is a moment when you make agreements with many different souls, perhaps around twenty. You agree on what you will offer one another. These souls may become your children, your best friend, your spouse, your most bitter enemy, your boss, your business partner, even the teacher who encourages you with such love and patience… The possibilities are many. Still, you as a personality have free will. You create a path that may lead you in a different direction, and this is why you need to make agreements with so many souls. The Universe works by vibration.
Let us give an example: Joe is truly a beautiful soul. Yet for several lifetimes Joe has struggled with powerlessness in the physical world. This struggle has led him to outbursts of violence and even to addiction to alcohol. Mary, on the other hand, has for some time struggled with self-esteem, always placing herself second and voluntarily giving up her opportunities. Joe and Mary coordinate their lives and plan the probability of meeting, falling in love, and working together on their individual tasks. In her relationship with an alcoholic, Mary will learn that she must begin to make choices that affect her self-worth. Joe, for his part, wishes to learn that he cannot possess or control anyone, because power must come from within.
In the course of her life, Mary discovers that she is often tested and that what she studies in college challenges her ideas and values. Instead of giving up, as she has done in so many previous lives, she manages on her own and gains self-confidence. At that point her vibration changes, and Joe is no longer needed. It is possible that she may still meet Joe, but most likely this will be a fleeting encounter in which she shares with him what she has learned. She might become, for example, a counselor in a rehabilitation center for alcoholics, but Mary no longer needs an intimate relationship with Joe. At this stage, both Joe and Mary establish new vibrations in order to connect with their other potential spiritual partners.
When you look back on your life, you will see that many people have influenced you. All of these people are your spiritual partners, and whether they are aware of it on the personality level or not, they love you with all their hearts, because you are working together toward one goal — and that goal is love.
“Are our parents and children our spiritual partners, and are they members of our Spiritual Family?”
They are your spiritual partners not only because you know them, but because you have chosen to work with them on specific goals of growth. No birth is accidental, because all souls enter this world by agreement with both parents, even if the parents are not present during the child’s upbringing. Your parents, brothers, and sisters may be members of your Spiritual Family, but this happens extremely rarely. Normally one, or perhaps two, members of your biological family are also from your Spiritual Family; the others are primarily members of your Group, Clan, Nation, or Greater Nation.
For the creation of a physical family, younger and less experienced souls usually team up with souls with whom they are very closely connected. These souls often exchange roles across lifetimes — sometimes as the child, other times as the parent; once as the female partner, another time as the male partner. Familiarity between souls helps the individual soul to progress more quickly. When souls first enter the physical world, it feels like a truly hostile place. They are confused and cautious with their physical bodies and are strongly influenced by the biological survival impulse, often facing the choice between fight and flight. The Universe responds with love and support and therefore creates a sense of safety when you are surrounded by familiar souls. Still, as with everything in the Universe, this is only the general case and not a fixed rule; other souls can and do enter into such agreements as well.
Many older souls choose to be born into families where they know well only one member, who is likely from their Spiritual Group or Clan and not as close as a member of the Spiritual Family. They make this choice because older souls are deeply concerned with self-observation above all else. They may be preparing to teach or to become guides in some field, and the experience of feeling like an “outlier” leads them toward self-inquiry. Instead of being bound by roles such as “duty” and “family,” these souls are often perceived by the other members of their biological family as the “black sheep” or as strange eccentrics. Although these circumstances can lead to difficult personal challenges, the lessons are almost always inner rather than outer. This means the emphasis is on self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is inseparable from the soul’s development. If we compare earthly life to education, learning self-acceptance is equivalent to completing a doctorate. Once you achieve self-acceptance, you are already on your way home.
“Why do so many of us continually search for ‘the one true love,’ hoping to find our spiritual partner?”
What you are really seeking is acceptance. You believe that this “one true love” will accept you unconditionally. Your search for this person is, in fact, a search for self-acceptance. Every relationship exists in order to give you an opportunity to know yourself. Through self-knowledge, you can learn to accept yourself and to love yourself.
The only true love is love for oneself; no other love exists.
The greatest of all secrets discovered by Christ and Buddha, and by many others, was the secret of falling in love with oneself. When you love yourself, you are in a state of acceptance — full acceptance. When you accept, you cease to resist the world and everything in it. When you cease to resist, you allow everything to be as it is. By allowing everything to be as it is, God can work through you. At that moment you can say, “I and the Father are one,” because you are one with the source of all life. You are one with love.”
–John L. Payne
Note: The quotations are translated from Bulgarian and are not presented as verbatim citations.
