Below, I am sharing a definition of love that has profoundly influenced my life. It comes from an American psychiatrist who writes about the connection between psychotherapy and spiritual growth. His name is M. Morgan Scott Peck, and the book is called The Road Less Traveled. This is the author to whom I owe so much for opening me to the dimension of spirituality, and I highly recommend his books to anyone interested in this topic.
The concept that has influenced me most out of all his books is that of love. Thanks to him, I came to believe that love is the most enduring thing in life. But this love is different from the mass-market belief of what love is. It is not the feeling of romantic “falling in love,” but the effort that leads to expansion and spiritual growth. Here is that definition:
“Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”
This is the brief definition, but to understand how it happens in practice, it is best to read the book. In it, you will understand that the opposite of love is not hate, but laziness (an idea presented in more detail in another of his books, People of the Lie). For those who do not have time for reading, however, I will add a few more explanations regarding this definition below:
“This is a teleological definition – i.e., it defines love from the point of view of its purpose. But it is precisely the purpose that allows us, when we are confused, to understand whether what we are doing is born of real or false love. It is enough to ask ourselves: With this behavior of mine, am I contributing to another’s or my own spiritual growth?
A mother who drives her son to school every day until he is 18 may seem very loving, but in reality, with this behavior, she contributes to the growth of neither her son nor herself – she even stunts it…
The word will in this definition emphasizes the understanding of love as an action – will is desire, but with such intensity that it always passes into action. Will also implies choice – we are not forced to love; we choose to love.”
If this is the “lesson of love” that came to you today, then it is time for growth. This is the effort to understand the other better so as to support their growth, as well as the effort to understand yourself better so that your own development can occur.
The core of this definition is the understanding of expansion. And since this expansion is the fruit of our conscious efforts, it is permanent. Even if it so happens that our partner leaves us one day, what does not leave us is precisely this internal sense of expansion. It is something that no one can take away from us. It belongs to us and to our increased capacity to love. It belongs to our evolution as spiritual beings, and even death cannot take it from us.
There is hope – right now you have enormous opportunities to generate more love in your life. Simply put in the effort that leads to development and expansion.
Kameliya
*Note: The quoted explanations and examples are translated from the Bulgarian edition of the book.
