Going through extreme forms of powerlessness and despair is an inevitable stage in the spiritual process of transformation. And it is very important to understand this, because recognizing this turning point helps intense suffering become a conscious act of spiritual surrender.
Below is the story of Marianne Williamson, author of the bestseller A Return to Love, who beautifully describes what this looks like:
“For me, no matter what hot water I had gotten into, I had always thought that I could get myself out of it. I was cute enough, or smart enough, or talented enough, or clever enough – and if nothing else worked, I could call my father and ask for money. But finally I got myself into so much trouble, that I knew I needed more help than I could muster up myself… There was nothing else to do and there was no one left to call. My fear finally became so great, that I wasn’t too hip to say “God, please help me.”
So I went through this grandiose, dramatic moment where I invited God into my life. It was terrifying at first, but then I kind of got off on the idea. I had thought that things would improve. It’s as though my life was a house, and I thought God would give it a wonderful paint job – new shutters perhaps, a pretty portico, new roof. Instead, it felt as though, as soon as I gave the house to God, He hit it with a giant wrecking ball. “Sorry, honey,” He seemed to say, “There were cracks in the foundation, not to mention all the rats in the bedroom. I thought we better just start all over.”…
This didn’t turn me off to God so much as it made me respect His intelligence. It implied He understood the situation better than I would have expected. If I was God, I’d have busted me too. I felt more grateful than resentful. I was desperate for help.
A certain amount of desperation is usually necessary before we’re ready for God. When it came to spiritual surrender, I didn’t get serious, not really, until I was down on my knees completely… Until your knees finally hit the floor, you’re just playing at life, and on some level you’re scared because you know you’re just playing. The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins…
For many people, things have to get very bad before there’s a shift. When you truly bottom out, there comes an exhilarating release. You recognize there’s a power in the universe bigger than you are, who can do for you what you can’t do for yourself…
How ironic. You spend your whole life resisting the notion that there’s someone out there smarter than you are, and then all of a sudden you are so relieved to know it’s true. All of a sudden, you’re not too proud to ask for help.
That’s what it means to surrender to God.”
– Marianne Williamson “A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles”
