It took me time to understand what Omraam Aïvanhov, one of the closest disciples of the Master Peter Deunov, meant when he said that if we believe we have a soul, then we have a soul; but if we do not believe we have a soul, then we do not have a soul. Such a statement initially led me to view the soul as a creation of human belief, deprived of objective reality.
And yet, the soul is a reality.
“The soul is a reality, my dear brothers and sisters, even if our contemporaries who deal with psychology—that is, with the ‘science of the soul’—do not believe in it. It is a strange ‘science of the soul’ that is practiced without the soul. Are they on the right path? Yes! You will accuse me of contradicting myself… No—but you must understand me. Everything is true, but one must look for the context in which it is true. If something is true for you, that settles the matter. If you say, ‘There is no God,’ that is true. There truly is no God in you, because you say He does not exist. If you say, ‘I do not believe in the soul,’ that is also true. You truly do not have a soul, because if you did, you would feel it. If you deny it, then you do not have it. Everything is true; everything exists or does not exist. It depends on the point of view you choose. This is precisely the sense in which Jesus speaks when he says, ‘According to your faith be it unto you.’ That explains everything.”
— Omraam Aïvanhov, The Soul – Instrument of the Spirit, p. 19
This is the answer: if we have a soul, we will feel it. Its objective reality lies in the reality of experience—in that deep inner knowing which resembles faith, yet is not quite faith, because it arises from the reality of feeling. In other words, first comes experience; faith follows.
Around the same time, I came across a quotation from Jung that expressed the same idea.
“When you say there is no soul, then there is no soul. But if you say there is a soul, then there is a soul. Notice what the ancients expressed through images: the word is a creative act. The ancients said: In the beginning was the Word. Think about this and meditate upon it.”
— Carl Jung, The Red Book, p. 236
And I did reflect. I read extensively, because reading is what helps me most in reflection. I read Steiner, Agni Yoga, Omraam again, Jung again, Rosicrucian writings… But it was only after encountering the definition of the soul in Kabbalah that something suddenly became clear.
According to Kabbalah, the soul is “a spiritual organ that is gradually formed within the human being.” Such a spiritual organ exists potentially in all people, but we can speak of the soul—or more precisely, of the birth of the soul—only when a person begins to develop “the sensation of the influence of spiritual forces, the emergence of a minimal perception of the Creator.”
(M. Laitman, International Academy of Kabbalah)
In other words, only after our spiritual vision opens—when we become more interested in the inner rather than the outer, in spiritual laws rather than worldly ones, in the invisible rather than the visible, in the eternal rather than the transient—does the soul open its eyes. A new perception is born. A different truth.
Thus my question found its resolution. The soul is an objective reality, but in one case it remains latent, and in the other it becomes active.
— But what activates it?
— Suffering.
Or, as Marie-Louise von Franz puts it:
“The true process of individuation—the conscious connection with one’s own center (the psychic core) or the Self of wholeness—begins, as a rule, with the wounding of the personality.”¹
The suffering involved in the birth of the soul, however, is a different kind of suffering. It is the anhedonia of depression—the loss of pleasure in things that once brought satisfaction and joy, but for reasons unknown to us no longer do. It is that irrational, profound unhappiness that arises from a gaping inner void which nothing in the external world can fill. It is the nigredo of the alchemists—the black cloud of sorrow and death that descends upon you without having been summoned.
It is a longing for something that is not of this world—and that longing hurts.
I will return once again to Kabbalah, however, because it says something else of great importance. It says that we are made of desire, and that the birth of the soul occurs only when this desire is directed toward knowing the Creator—the Original Source of life. It is also important to know that this moment of turning does not depend on a person’s individual will.
Other traditions say the same thing: the soul opens its eyes only when it is called. This is the very first step of spiritual initiation, and this step depends entirely on supra-individual factors. The eyes open to the light of the Sun only when the Sun decides. In this case, the eyes themselves cannot decide.
Knowing this brings peace to those whose spiritual eyes have begun to open, but who do not yet see the Bigger Picture and therefore do not understand why others around them continue to sleep in the trance of the senses, of the external and the concrete. But the sleepers are innocent. For them, the moment spoken of in the Bible has not yet come:
“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him.”
— John 6:44
Thus, the birth of the soul comes through suffering. It does not come as a result of personal failure or because of something wrong we have done. It comes as a call to awakening and to searching for something within oneself. And there, it is dark. Very dark. Especially in the beginning.
At first, I asked myself which comes first and which comes second—does suffering awaken the soul, or does the soul begin to awaken and therefore we begin to suffer? But since I began to think synchronistically, this question has lost its importance. Now I think they happen simultaneously, simply because they are the same thing.
The soul imprisoned in a human body equals suffering.
It is the Spirit in a bottle.
Therefore, what truly matters is not how it awakened, but how it will use this suffering to create that for the sake of which it entered the body.
There is still much for me to learn in this regard. I have at least the consolation that the foundation is solid. I owe this to Jung.
In his analytical psychology, the making of the soul corresponds to the concept of individuation, one of the most fundamental concepts. It describes the natural process of psychic development in which the processes of differentiation and transformation intertwine, until finally a third thing crystallizes—one that unites the opposites into a single, whole, and internally consistent reality.
Then the second birth occurs—the birth of the divine child.
The first is the opening of the eyes of the soul. It corresponds to being “born of water.”
Then comes the second—“the birth of the spirit.” Psychologically, this refers to the emergence of the transcendent function (a term from analytical psychology), and its Christian correspondence is the appearance of the Holy Spirit.
“It seems to me that it is the task and duty of the Holy Spirit to unite and reconcile the opposites in the human individual through a special development of the human soul.”
— Carl Jung, CW 18, para. 1553
The Holy Spirit is what brings grace—it resolves the drama of duality and the tension of opposites. But until this happens, a person stands for a long time helpless, crucified on the cross of their own contradictory feelings and inner conflicts, and with each passing day of life learns what it means to resemble Christ—the symbol of the human soul.
Of our shared human soul.
After extensive reading in esoteric literature and Eastern philosophy, I continue to ask myself what the soul is and how it is made. Every answer leads to new questions, and the feeling is that I am standing before a puzzle of thousands of pieces that can never be fully assembled. And yet, there is something that gives me direction. And that is the knowledge of desire and the special role of suffering.
Because suffering is also a kind of desire—a sacred desire, since it pertains to the making of the soul. It is, to quote Jung once again, the Hero. The opening of the eyes of the soul is the birth of our inner Hero.
Of course, at the beginning, in the stage of blackness, this is the last thing a person thinks about themselves—that they are a Hero. And yet, they are a Hero. In fact, that is precisely why they are a Hero. They are a Hero because they are fighting an Enemy that makes them feel like a Non-Hero.
All Heroes, at different stages of the journey, believe they are not Heroes. The reason is that they have preconceived notions of heroism. Soul-heroism, however, consists in suffering without giving up. In enduring hardship without surrendering, and holding on to the very end. In being alone—misunderstood and even rejected—yet without allowing one’s loneliness to come at the expense of sensitivity to the needs of others. In suffering the injustice of life without allowing the heart to harden, but instead to become even more tender and compassionate.
And so, if you have a desire, if that desire has already opened your eyes to the Sun, here are a few guidelines on how a soul is made.
How the Soul Is Made
-
Examine how strongly you want what you want.
If you want it with all your heart and are not willing to give it up in the face of difficulties, know that it comes from your soul. -
And if it comes from there, it must be followed.
It has something to teach you. It is the fuel for becoming a Hero. -
It does not matter what the desire is.
In my experience, it has been precisely my most material desires that have led most powerfully to soul-making, because in trying to realize them I have created the most difficult parts of myself. Had it not been for them, I do not know whether I would have found the courage to leave my comfort zone and discover that I could do things I had never even suspected were possible for me. -
In order to turn the pursuit of material desires into a means of soul-making, always ask yourself what you want to transform the difficulties along the way into.
This is always some spiritual quality. It is precisely this quality that is the treasure forged while we are pursuing goals in the outer world. -
The question of transforming the handling of difficulties into spiritual qualities is the most important alchemical question.
Beyond it, you will need to ask many other questions and to call into question many things you have been taught to believe. In short, you will have to make extensive use of your mind and think critically. -
And above all—persevere.
Never give up, for anything in the world. Believe in yourself. You will fall and rise again a thousand times. A thousand times you will wander and despair. But if you develop this dual attitude—to let go of control without giving up the struggle—the flow of Life will carry you to the long-awaited shore. -
Life has a thousand ways of helping those who walk the Narrow and Steep Path.
And you already have everything you need, because you have yourself.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
If the above evokes an emotional response in you, you may also be interested in visiting the website of the 29 Days Program. In it, I share my experience of “soul-making”—how bringing awareness to our desiring nature (and to the emotions that arise from it) can become a core spiritual practice in every moment of our lives.
