A friend once shared with me how he dealt with his constant irritability and outbursts over “drivers who drive like idiots.”
The thought occurred to him that if he is a better driver than they are—because he can drive in a way they cannot—then getting angry at the fact that they can’t is simply foolish. And so he stopped getting angry at them.
If we look closely at our own lives, we will notice that what angers us most is, as a rule, something in which we are in one way or another more capable. We see things that other people do not see. We can do things that other people cannot do. We are more conscientious, more attentive, more responsible. In such cases, anger truly serves no purpose.
Sometimes we simply need to accept that reality cannot always meet our standards and expectations. At other times, we need to see how we might help make it better.
But what if others do not want to learn from our well-intentioned advice? Can anything be done? And what?
The short answer is: yes. But it is difficult—because when we succeed, we will no longer be the same. We will have grown. We will have stepped off the students’ bench and become teachers. We will have become “the boss of our boss,” without them knowing it. Simply because true leadership is not a matter of power, but of influence. If influence were merely a matter of power, parents would not struggle with their children, teachers would not struggle with their students, and managers would not struggle with their subordinates. But they do—often quite seriously.
If this text is reaching you through synchronicity, consider whether it is because you feel powerless to change a particular life situation. If so, do not give up—give up only the anger. Anger is a sign that you are not seeing the real limitations of the other person or the situation, and that you are demanding things they cannot give you. Let go of the way you have tried to change this situation so far. But do not give up on trying, on searching for new solutions and other forms of influence. And above all—start with yourself.
Difficult children, unruly students, and strong-willed colleagues and partners need their parents, teachers, colleagues, and partners. The way we can influence them, however, is more complex—because change always begins from the inside out.
In the end, we become teachers. We mature. And driving along the Roads of life turns into a journey full of adventures and challenges.
Kameliya
