Besides the beliefs that link mental health to average norms of normality, there is another type of belief that distorts how we think about the changes we seek in our lives. We tend to assume that positive signs of change are present when we see improvement, but this is not exactly so. Often, things even get worse before they get better.
To bring clarity about what one may expect when engaging in a process of inner change, I will use as an illustration what Mechthild Scheffer shares in her book The Encyclopedia of Dr. Bach’s Flower Remedies. There she describes two classical patterns in the course of healing with Dr. Bach’s Flower Remedies—she calls them “an initial reaction with an upward tendency” and “an initial reaction with a downward tendency.”
This particular “curve of change” is an excellent graphic representation not only of the healing processes in Dr. Bach’s flower therapy, but also of change in any form of inner psychological work, including psychotherapy. When we know this, we are better prepared to deal with the moments of discouragement that inevitably arise along the path of change.
The first moment of discouragement comes after the initial uplift we feel when we have released a long-carried emotional burden and a new understanding of the problem has emerged. Since such an uplift cannot be sustained for long, a downturn follows, which may be accompanied by thoughts such as: “This is proof that I actually cannot change, or that this is not the right thing for me.” No—this is not proof that the sought-after change is impossible, but that the process of change requires effort and patience. Without effort, patience, and commitment, no significant change in our life can take place.
It can be no less discouraging if, after the first meeting with a therapist, you feel not better but worse. Although this is rare, such a possibility exists. The illusion here is cured by understanding that sometimes things worsen before they improve. In homeopathy, this is described as a “healing crisis”—an indicator that repressed psychic contents are beginning to surface into consciousness, and the encounter with them is not particularly pleasant. These may be truths we have avoided seeing for many years, related to unrealistic ideas about ourselves, about significant others, and about life in general. Such insight can be very painful—so painful that one may decide to give up and stop halfway, preferring to remain with one’s head buried in the sand.
What helps in such states is to regard unpleasant experiences as a sign of cleansing from the old and as a test of commitment to the process of change. It is also important not to try again to suppress the painful feelings and thoughts that inevitably accompany a healing crisis, but to observe them as an impartial witness—as if observing the emotions and thoughts of another person—and to explore them with open curiosity. When I myself have gone through, or am going through, such things, it personally helps me to say to myself: “Look at what little creatures have been hiding in the darkness of my Shadow! How interesting…”
There always comes a moment when the curve of change begins to rise again. If you decide to observe yourself impartially and the way changes in your life unfold, you will see that the curve of change described above is accurate—change does not happen all at once, but through a series of fluctuations with different amplitudes. Regardless of whether they begin upward or downward, they always reach a place that is better than where you started from.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
