From Erich Fromm’s book “The Art of Loving”:
“Love is the mature answer to the problem of existence. The awareness of human separation, without the reunion by love, is the source of shame. It is at the same time the source of guilt and anxiety. The deepest need of man, then, is to overcome his separateness, to leave the prison of his aloneness.
The unity achieved in productive work is not interpersonal; the unity achieved in orgiastic fusion is transitory; the unity achieved by conformity is only pseudo-unity. These are only partial answers to the problem of existence. The full answer lies in the achievement of interpersonal union, of fusion with another person, in love.
In contrast to symbiotic union, mature love is union under the condition of preserving one’s integrity, one’s individuality. Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks through the walls which separate man from his fellows, which unites him with others; love makes him overcome the sense of isolation and separateness, yet it permits him to be himself, to retain his integrity.
In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.”
— Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
This is the true challenge within human relationships — how to unite the opposites of Self and Other. It requires immense wisdom, as well as constant alertness, to choose between ‘yes’ and ‘no’ while weaving the bond between us. This is the most important ‘lesson of love,’ but also the most difficult.
