From the book by M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
“Love is not a feeling.
This is because love is an action. It is an act of will rather than emotionality. For the lover, it is not only possible but also necessary to disregard the feeling of love. It is easy and pleasant to find evidence of love in one’s feelings. It is much more difficult and painful to seek such evidence in one’s actions. There are many examples of this in psychiatric practice – patients who say how much they love their families, but instead of doing what their families need, they do nothing… they do not change… they blame… they do not give attention…” — M. Scott Peck
This is quite difficult to digest, I know. We are so used to seeing love as a feeling that we cannot imagine it could actually be the exact opposite. But, as M. Scott Peck says, there are many examples showing that love-as-a-feeling can be very different from love-as-action. We don’t need to look for these examples in psychiatry like he did—it is enough to look at our own lives or the lives of our relatives and friends. If we are honest enough, we will see an abundance of examples where someone told us they loved us, yet we did not feel loved by them—on the contrary, quite the opposite.
Therefore, if this is the answer “The Lessons of Love” brought to you now, look for the evidence of your love not in the feeling, but in the actions.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
