“As we peel away the layers one by one, we move closer to our true essence. Purity. Every removed layer reveals sadness, dissatisfaction, and resentment. The process is not easy, and most people unconsciously feel a strong resistance. Through cynicism, hatred, contempt, or mockery, they deny the need for true inner conscious work and refuse to look within. In the past, I did not understand where this resistance came from. After all, who wouldn’t want to be purer? Who wouldn’t want to reveal the diamond within? Today, I understand. Today, I know that as we approach our essence, the path becomes increasingly difficult. With time, the lessons become harder. The closer we are to our essence, the stronger the temptation to stop and deviate from the path.
A war rages within us between light and darkness. The war in the world is a reflection of the struggle inside us. It stems from this inner battle. The moment we try to like and respect ourselves, an inner voice appears, attempting to undermine our determination and shake our faith…
While searching for inner peace over the years, I increasingly realized what a fierce struggle was raging within me—between sadness and happiness, tolerance and irritation, encouragement and envy, strength and lack of confidence, maturity and the child. I recognized the bad side in myself. The dark side. The closer we get to our essence, to the divine spark in every human being, the closer we are to the foundation of evil within us. Within myself, I recognized God and the Garden of Eden, but I also saw Satan and Hell. This is a painful experience because it is exceptionally hard to accept the existence of evil in ourselves…
Awareness is painful, but in order to choose the good in life, we must pass through this place.”
— Shari Arison, “Birth: When the Spiritual and the Material Merge”
There is a common belief that over time, the path becomes easier. This is true, but only halfway. The falling away of neurotic suffering, combined with an increasing understanding of the meaning and direction of the ongoing change, helps tremendously. But the opposite is also true—the way forward really does become harder. Because of the evil. It is corrosive.
And one more thing: with every step forward, our courage to look at the evil grows, because we can finally see it without listening to what It is telling us.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
Note: The quotations are translated from Bulgarian and are not presented as verbatim citations.
