Suffering is an inseparable part of the processes of spiritual transformation. The radical changes that take place in the deepest layers of our psyche exceed the mind’s capacity to grasp the scale of what is happening within us. Even when we believe we understand what is at stake, the birth of the new Self remains a true mystery—one that is in no way different from the conception and gestation of a baby in the mother’s womb. How the fusion of two tiny cells can give rise to a being with such a complex biological structure as a human baby is a process that scientists themselves still contemplate with amazement. Yet the same is true of the birth of a person’s new Self, whose mystery is accompanied by far greater labor pains.
In an article outlining the stages of the soul’s development according to Peter Deunov, the birth of our spiritual Self is called New Birth. It is the fifth of a total of seven stages of spiritual transformation. It is preceded by the stages of Turning, Repentance, Salvation, and Regeneration, and followed by the stages of Initiation and Resurrection. The first four stages are associated with a growing sense of faith, joy, and strength arising from the rediscovered connection with God. The following three are linked to suffering, which intensifies with each successive stage. According to the author, this is so “because the more advanced a person becomes, the more difficult the trials they must undergo.”
From St. John of the Cross, to whom we owe the concept of the dark night of the soul, we know that the second dark night—the so-called dark night of the Spirit—is even more painful than the first. For this reason, I see in the stage of New Birth a correspondence with the first dark night—the dark night of the soul—and in the stage of Initiation, the correspondence with the second dark night—the dark night of the Spirit.
Ancient Darkness
According to the article cited above, the main source of suffering during New Birth is the clearing of karma from past lives. In other words, the causes of these painful experiences lie in deeper historical layers of the human psyche and have less to do with one’s current life circumstances. At this stage, a person discovers that they have no control over external events in their life, and that the way they feel is greatly intensified—not because they are inclined toward drama, but because unexpectedly powerful emotions seem to rise from the very center of their being. They neither know why they feel this way nor know what to do to change it. Yet the irrationality of the causes of suffering does not negate its reality.
“New Birth is preceded by great sorrow, great suffering.
This is called accelerated liquidation of karma and represents the labor pains of the new human being. For anyone who wishes to work for a great cause, for God, must be free of karma, and this is achieved through accelerated liquidation of karma—through suffering. What remains unpaid from many reincarnations is, in this case, paid within a much shorter time, so that one may become a free citizen of the New Life sooner.
Therefore, when a student of the Divine School passes through great suffering, they should know that they stand before New Birth.”**
—from the same article, “The Seven Degrees (Stages) of the Soul According to the Teacher”
Striking is the special role attributed to suffering on the path of spiritual transformation. This is articulated with particular clarity by Peter Deunov himself:
“When the student enters the Divine School, at first their life is easy, filled only with joys and exaltations. If it feels spacious around their neck, this shows that they are still a listener, not yet a student, and that they remain in the antechamber of the School. But when the great trials come—outer and inner—sorrows and sufferings, this shows that they have been accepted as a student, that they have already entered the School.”
—same source
Thus, in the antechamber of the School, it feels spacious around one’s neck. One understands that they have truly entered only when things begin to grow difficult and pain arrives. If one endures the trial, one may then consider oneself to have become a student. Everything prior to the “great suffering” was merely preparation for the true teaching. And the true teaching is bound to how a person meets and bears that suffering.
If one does not understand the spiritual meaning of pain, it is difficult not to suspect a dark and perverse masochism in a God who has created such a school—one in which entry is granted through suffering, and each subsequent level is associated with even greater suffering.
Yet this is not the case only in Christianity, where God himself subjects his beloved Son to terrible and unjust torments. It is so as well in other world religions, where pain is likewise regarded as something sacred. I am reminded of the words of Rumi, who says:
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
The Sacred Role of Dark Emotions
The suspicious masochism of the Director of the spiritual School can be explained through what we know from Carl Jung’s analytical psychology—namely, that this is the way individualized consciousness comes into being. According to Jung, the striving toward the light is a longing for consciousness, and consciousness arises through differentiation from the collective. This differentiation is a separation, and separation is painful. Pamela Kribbe writes about the same process:
“Dark emotions also have value and carry powerful messages. Light alone is not enough. Darkness represents a tremendous force, because from it comes the possibility of becoming an independent Self—one that makes independent choices and decisions, explores new things, and grows in strength and self-awareness.
The entire evolution of your soul depends on your knowledge of the dark, so that you may work with it and transform it.”**
—Pamela Kribbe, Learning to Understand Illness
Pamela Kribbe also maintains that the suffering experienced during the dark night of the soul is due to the release of karma and the healing of wounds whose roots lie far deeper than the present. She calls this suffering “ancient darkness” and associates it with extremely painful experiences from past lives—experiences that a person was unable to consciously process at the time. The traumatic experience has remained lodged in the memory of the soul, awaiting the day it can be released. For some people, that time is now.
What most supports the process of release is not fleeing from the pain, but allowing oneself to experience it as it is—in its full depth and intensity.
Pamela Kribbe’s explanation of depression as a state of “ancient darkness” is that a person has consciously built a wall between themselves and painful emotions because they were unable to cope with them. At the same time, however, the state of emotional detachment and inner barrenness begins to torment and weigh on the person even more. This is the moment when an inner readiness matures—the readiness to experience the suppressed emotions, however painful they may initially appear. It resembles the melting of ice and the flowing of a river. Something that has long been frozen due to the psyche’s inability to handle the experience gradually begins to thaw, and emotions begin to flow.
“When someone falls into depression, it is always accompanied by an influx of emotions that the person is unable to cope with.
The stream of painful, heavy emotions feels too strong to bear. They overwhelm you, or so it seems, and you feel a deep sense of helplessness. The moment you turn away and refuse to face these emotions, you sink. These emotions want to flow; it is natural for them to move forward like a great ocean wave. But if you are afraid to do this and refuse to go along with the movement, you flee from the surge of these emotions. You build a barrier and say, ‘I cannot handle this. I do not want this. I want this to stop.’ Your reaction, arising from a sense of powerlessness, creates depression—a state of numbness and disconnection from life. Over time, this situation becomes unbearable, and the desire for life disappears.”**
—Pamela Kribbe, The Dark Night of the Soul
The logic here is simple: the more radical the transformation taking place within a person, the deeper the layers of the psyche involved in the process, and the more old experiences begin to surface. Such understanding brings comfort to those who suffer but do not know what they have done to deserve such a fate. The feeling that one’s suffering is undeserved only makes the process of letting go and releasing the past more difficult.
The words belong to Jung that “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” When we look at painful experiences in this way, we gain a neutrality capable of meeting the resistance of the mind and allowing frozen emotions to begin flowing again. Then, whatever happens has value—not the value of pleasure, but the value of presence—the same presence that Eckhart Tolle writes about when he speaks of transforming the “pain-body” into awakened awareness.
When this stage of purification also comes to an end, a freedom of a different order arrives. This is the stage of Resurrection, when “a person completes their evolution on Earth and the Divine awakens within them in great fullness.” And in the Bible it is written that God Himself says to such a person:
“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.”
—Revelation 21:4
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
Note: The quotations are translated from Bulgarian and are not presented as verbatim citations.
