For people on the path of individuation, a sense of loneliness is inevitable. If they understand the psychological meaning of such a difficult experience, they will be able to use it for its true purpose: as a means of separation from others—a path toward freedom, psychic maturity, and emotional independence.
In his autobiography, Memories, Dreams, Reflections, Jung writes that loneliness does not stem from a lack of connections with those around us. It arises when we cannot share the experiences we are going through and the things that move us most deeply with those close to us.
“As a child I felt lonely, and I am still today, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding views which others find inadmissible.” — C.G. Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections
Jung’s experiences of loneliness reached their peak during his period of “confrontation with the unconscious.” At that time, compelled by an inner necessity to remain true to himself, he dared to openly express his disagreement with Freud, knowing that he would subsequently fall into social isolation.
“As a result of my decision and my involvement with things which neither I nor others could understand, I found myself in a state of complete isolation. This I realized soon enough—I could share the thoughts I carried within me with no one, for they would be misunderstood. I experienced the contradiction between the inner and the outer world as a painful one. At that time, I could not yet grasp the interplay between these two worlds, which I understand today. I saw only the irreconcilable contradiction between the outer and the inner.”
Jung managed to overcome the isolation into which he fell by putting immense effort into understanding his experiences from the encounter with the collective unconscious, and later by sharing what he had learned through the analytical psychology he created.
“From the very beginning, however, it was clear to me that I would find a connection with the outer world and with people only when I endeavored to convincingly show that the contents of psychic experiences are ‘real’—not only as my own personal experiences, but as collective ones that can be repeated in other people. I tried to prove this in my later scientific work, but for now, I was doing everything possible to explain to those around me a new way of seeing things. I knew that without this, I was doomed to absolute loneliness.”
Herein lies the paradox: loneliness, if used correctly, helps us connect even more deeply with others. This is because the true goal of individuation is to enrich the community and forge new paths in the evolution of humanity. At the beginning of this difficult journey, however, lies a long stay in the desert of isolation and the battle with inner demons. The return to people and the sharing of the gifts discovered come only at the end.
“But loneliness is not necessarily inimical to companionship, for no one is more sensitive to companionship than the lonely man, and companionship thrives only where each individual remembers his individuality and does not identify himself with others.”
It is good for people who suffer from a sense of isolation and loneliness to know this. The reason is not that they are insufficiently empathic or sensitive to the needs of others. The reason is for them to learn to stand on their own two feet, even when others do not support or even reject them. The knowledge that this is the price they pay to walk untrodden paths can become a source of support for them. In the end, the reward will come: the ability to connect with others in a much deeper and freer way.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
