“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be constantly afraid of making a mistake.”
Most of us are familiar with the blocking role of the fear of making mistakes. While for some people this fear poses only a minor challenge, for others it can become paralyzing. So-called perfectionists may end up wasting their entire lives without ever expressing their full potential—simply because they’re afraid of making a mistake. If we find ourselves in this category, what can we do? What is the remedy if our powers are not enough to overcome it?
The one thing that helps me most personally is telling myself this: If what I’m doing turns out to be a mistake, I’m willing to pay the price for it – whatever it costs me. In the end, that’s only fair. If, for example, I said something to a friend that wasn’t right and ended up hurting them, I will at least apologize. Then I’ll ask what I can do to make amends – how I can take responsibility for my mistake.
If they choose to stay away from me, I will respect that decision. It may hurt to lose them. I may miss them. But knowing that this is the price I’m paying for my right to be imperfect – and to learn from my wrongs – makes it easier to bear. Yes, I might feel ashamed of what I’ve done. I might suffer from guilt. But when I know that this is the cost of growing, of making mistakes and learning from them, then I don’t mind paying it. Marie-Louise von Franz wrote about the same thing:
“In Greek mythology you have that typical Greek myth which mirrors the Greek attitude, and does not make it primarily an ethical problem as the Bible does – either good or evil. There is again a theft from the gods, something is stolen which the gods try to keep to themselves and according to the myth that is punished – Prometheus gets into trouble and has bad luck – but there is no moral evaluation. The Greek mind just states that stealing knowledge from the unconscious must be paid for, but you can still have the right attitude! You can say, never mind, I will pay, but I want it! The myth does not recommend doing or not doing it, but you must know that there is always the price to pay.”
— Marie-Louise von Franz, Alchemy, p. 56
Although much has been written about the fear of making mistakes, for me, things are simple – the most direct way to overcome it is to be willing to pay the price. This attitude restores our power because responsibility is power. It also makes us less vulnerable to manipulation (there will always be someone ready to use our mistakes to make us feel small or inadequate). Finally, our confidence grows. Because a truly confident person is not someone who never makes mistakes, but someone who is not afraid to make them. So here is the simple recipe for dealing with the unhealthy fear of making mistakes:
1. Name what you are afraid of.
2. Explore what is the worst that could happen if it becomes a reality (so you will know what your real fear is).
3. Ask yourself if you can pay the price and bear the consequences of what has happened.
4. Decide if you want to pay this price. We usually find that this price is less than the price we pay for not making mistakes (which means not evolving, not doing new things, not experimenting, not going down unbeaten paths, and not having the opportunity to learn from mistakes).
5. Act in accordance with the decision taken.
This approach works equally well for both the fear of making mistakes in the future and the fear of punishment for mistakes already made. Because being willing to pay the price for what you’ve done is an act of taking responsibility. Responsibility is a strength – it grows when you realize you’re not so fragile, that you can face the consequences, endure them, and eventually rise again. Allowing ourselves to be wrong brings us back to life. In place of paralyzing fear, it creates space for creativity and growth. But perhaps the most beautiful part is about love – the hardest kind of love: mercy for the sinner, forgiveness, and compassion.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
