*”The deeper a relationship becomes and the longer it exists, the more death enters and becomes a part of it. We may enter a partnership with the hope that it will fulfill us and end our need or loneliness. The reality, however, is that it inevitably leads to death.
Even when love flourishes in a partnership, the incompleteness of the soul remains, and it is such that partnership cannot fill it. Dealing with this deep and fundamentally human incompleteness leads us to the greatest mysteries of life—to spiritual and religious dimensions.
As illusions fade and die, couples whose love remains vibrant into their old age confront both the limitations of partnership and these mysteries. By sacrificing the hope that their partner will satisfy what no partner can, they begin to look at one another with more love, mutually releasing each other from earlier expectations and surrendering to a process whose outcome cannot be seen…
Every crisis offers the couple an opportunity to practice dying.
This requires partners to sacrifice something they have held deep in their hearts so that their love can continue on a deeper and more lasting level. With every falling away of unrealistic hopes, partners become increasingly open and can be seen and loved as they are—and, likewise, see and love their partner. Such love is beyond illusions and resides in what is.
With every surrender and loss, that which enters the relationship is more modest and relaxed. At the same time, their love becomes more nourishing for the soul than the love of newlyweds. Thus, as the relationship between the couple approaches the earth and humility, they grow toward death and become friends with it. That is why one can often see an expression of profound serenity on the faces of happily married elderly people—because they are no longer afraid of loss and death.”*
— Bert Hellinger, “Love’s Hidden Symmetry”
Note: The quotations are translated from Bulgarian and are not presented as verbatim citations.
