The process of spiritual transformation begins with Nigredo—the darkness that enters our lives, dressed in various forms of psychological suffering: depression, fear, a sense of powerlessness and emptiness, loneliness and isolation, unrequited love, and jealousy. The awakening from the trance of the senses, fixated on the world of matter, is triggered by the alarm of piercing pain. Initiation into the world of mysteries is performed by the Archetype of the Destroyer, which invades our lives either from the outside—taking away things from the world of the transient that we have made the most important in our lives—or from within, from the depths of our psyche, generating seemingly causeless suffering.
“The black cloud is a well-known alchemical symbol for the state called nigredo, the blackness that often appears at the beginning of the alchemical opus; if you distill the material, it evaporates and for a while you see nothing but steam or a cloud, which the alchemist compares to the earth covered by a black cloud.”
— Marie-Louise von Franz, Alchemy: An Introduction to the Symbolism and the Psychology, p. 233
Nigredo marks the beginning of the long process of internal transformation, which encompasses the individuation of the second half of our lives. Its end is Albedo, the whiteness we have achieved as a result of the purifying fire of pain—of the countless “distillations” liberating the spirit from the impurities of matter. And although the suffering brought by the transformation taking place within us cannot be spared, for it is the very fuel for the emerging new consciousness, at least “unnecessary suffering“ can be avoided. This is the suffering born from the misunderstanding of the meaning, dynamics, and way the individuation process unfolds.
The first thing to know is that the pain of the initiated process is not a mental illness, but a sign that the time has come for the awakening of the soul. Another thing that helps in understanding this internally paradoxical process is that its main goal is to return us to the wholeness we were born with but lost while developing consciousness. This wholeness means taking back our rejected parts and integrating them into the newly emerging image of ourselves.
The work on integrating these rejected or previously unknown parts is the core of the individuation process, which concludes when the famous Coniunctio of the alchemists occurs (the union of opposites in an internally non-contradictory way).
What I am beginning to understand regarding integration and the processes of spiritual transformation is that it usually happens by first passing through the exact opposite of what we are striving for.
Those for whom the time has come to know the phenomenon of love in its deeper spiritual form first pass through fits of jealousy and passion, through intense dramatic experiences in their relationships with the other, through loneliness and isolation. Before knowing unconditional love and the freedom it brings, they experience conditional love, which becomes the cause of endless dramas if the object of our feelings does not do what we want, as well as emotional dependence on them.
Those striving for lightness and joy fall to the ground, crushed under the weight of feelings they do not want to feel, but nevertheless do. It seems that light first comes to us in its dark raiment—that before clarity, there is confusion and mental chaos.
“In a medieval mystical text titled ‘The Cloud of Unknowing,’ it is described that the closer the mystic’s soul approaches the Divine essence, the darker and more confused it becomes. Such texts say that God actually lives in a cloud of unknowing and that one must be freed from every idea, from every intellectual conception, before approaching the light that is surrounded by the darkness of extreme confusion. Here the cloud also has a double meaning: it is a state of extreme confusion, of utter despair, and at the same time, it is the beginning of the alchemical work.” (Ibid., p. 234)
The alchemical process of spiritual transformation essentially represents the purification of the primary matter (lead) over and over again. Until the impurities are cleared, the distillation of the Spirit submerged in matter happens infinitely many times. When we finally manage to achieve the whiteness—the Albedo of our purified essence—comes the end of the most difficult and painful part of our internal reversal. Although this is not the end, it is the beginning of the end.
“In alchemical literature, it is generally said that great effort and agony last from nigredo to albedo; this is the difficult part, and after that, everything becomes easier. Nigredo—the darkness, the terrible depression, and the state of dissolution—must be compensated for by the alchemist’s hard work, which, among other things, consists of constant washing; therefore, even the work of washerwomen is often mentioned in the text, or constant distilling, which is done with the object to be cleaned, because the metal evaporates and then liquefies in another vessel, and thus the heavy substances are removed.” (Ibid., p. 248)
The Alchemy of Perception: Withdrawing Projections
But what does the alchemical symbolism of distillation, washing, whitening, the purification of matter, and the liberation of the spirit from its prison mean psychologically? The most essential aspect is linked to the withdrawal of projections, which means ceasing to seek the fulfillment of our spiritual needs through material means. It means ceasing to mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself. This does not mean discarding matter—quite the opposite. It means spiritualizing it by using it for its true purpose: as a creative tool of the Divine.
A typical example in this regard is love. Love, as a sense of connection and union with the whole, as unconditional acceptance and freedom, becomes its opposite when it sinks into matter. It becomes a feeling we experience only toward a specific person or people, accompanied by emotional dependence, comparison with others, and a desire for possession.
In other words, when the archetype of love “falls into matter,” it first manifests in its “deranged,” i.e., negative form.
“The psychological analogy is with the first, the difficult part of an analysis, where Venus, the love problem, has to be washed, as well as Mars, the problem of aggression, and so on. All the various instinctive drives in their archetypal foundation appear on earth in a deranged form, i.e., in the form of projection—people love or hate someone, or have a boss who oppresses them, and they do not know how to defend themselves.
If the projection is outside, it will mean that Mars has fallen into matter: the principle of aggression and everything connected with it is seen in Mr. So-and-so, or Venus has entered the ebbs and flows of a love affair and sexual difficulties and, of course, the patient tells you that this is so because the thing for him is outside. First, it must be extracted from matter, and therefore the analyst tells the analysand that they must leave Miss So-and-so and look at what is happening within himself…
Whiteness means purification, there is no longer contamination with matter, which means that we are taking back our projections. This is not easy; sometimes it is very complex and difficult because it is not enough to understand that you have made projections and then not make them anymore. A long process of inner development and realization is needed for the projection to go away. When it is withdrawn, the disturbing emotional factor also disappears.”
— Marie-Louise von Franz, Alchemy: An Introduction to the Symbolism and the Psychology, p. 248
The Interior Center
In short, when it comes to the spiritual processes of internal transformation, the withdrawal of projections occurs when we realize that the things that annoy us in the other are the things we ourselves possess (the famous biblical sentence about seeing the speck in the other’s eye but not seeing the log in our own). We realize that the outer world reflects various aspects within ourselves in a very precise way, giving us exactly what we need to continue developing. The center of what happens in our lives lies within, not outside of us. Therefore, if we want to change the circumstances in our lives, the primary thing we must do is begin the changes within ourselves.
We understand that we have begun to withdraw our projections when our first reaction toward things in the outer world that hurt us is no longer a reproach, an insult, or an accusation, but the question: “What does this mean for me?” or “What is the reason this is happening to me exactly now?”
“When the projection is truly removed, a kind of peace ensues—one becomes calm and can look at the thing objectively. One can look at the specific problem or factor objectively and calmly and use a bit of active imagination on it without constantly being agitated or returning again into emotional chaos. This corresponds to albedo. This is the first stage of the onset of calm and emotional distancing, a philosophical distance. One stands… on the top of the mountain and observes the storm below, which continues, but one can observe it without fear and without feeling threatened by it.
So what the alchemist symbolizes with the idea of whitening is that the material he is working on now has reached a form of purity and unity and the work of synthesis can begin… Albedo is characterized by something wonderful because the alchemists now say that they only have to maintain the fire, but the difficult part of the work is done.” (Ibid., p. 249)
The Gift of Synthesis
The gift of purifying the primary matter is that by withdrawing our projections from the outer world, we manage to create a healthy distance between us and the things outside of us. This does not mean that we break our connection with other people and the phenomena of the outer world. We continue to be connected to them, but in a completely different way. It is then that we experience this apparent paradox, in which we see our own and others’ uniqueness more clearly than ever, yet simultaneously know that, in essence, we are all the same—ordinary human beings striving for happiness and, on the path to it, inevitably stumbling over the limitations that life in an earthly body brings.
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
