Very often, women are crucified within themselves—torn between showing their feelings to the men who anger them or holding those feelings in. Unfortunately, there is no single right answer. Both are true. Both are rays of a “just sun” that is fair precisely because it shines in both directions. Today, I am sharing only one of those directions, as discussed in Marie-Louise von Franz’s book, The Cat: A Tale of Feminine Redemption. Although this dilemma is presented as typical for women, I believe it is just as relevant for all genders.
In her work, von Franz analyzes the symbolic meaning and interpretation of various elements in the Romanian fairy tale “The Cat.” One of these elements is a thunderstorm that helps the protagonist see the palace where his enchanted future bride lives. While the link between a thunderstorm and an explosion of affect is obvious, it is less obvious that such an outburst is often a carrier of insights.
On this subject, Marie-Louise von Franz writes:
“Usually when one is in a terrible emotional upset, one suddenly gets insights. They go together.” (p. 94)
She then asks:
“How does that link with the cat, the dark feminine? What should women do to help men to develop?” (p. 94)
And she answers by telling another story:
“I have a favorite story of the Hopi Indians who lived once under the earth, and then there was the problem of over-population. The Hopi men didn’t do anything, but the Hopi women became so unbearable that the Hopis decided to move one step higher. Everything went well, but then there was over-population again, and the men again didn’t do anything. They would have gone on forever like that if the women hadn’t become so impossible, having scenes from morning to evening. Then the men moved. This is still so.”
Her final commentary is striking:
“And therefore the doctrine of the lady who should never raise her voice, but should be like the Virgin Mary, leaves her husband asleep to his anima. If she doesn’t occasionally produce storms, he just doesn’t wake up, he just doesn’t see.” (p. 95)
I recall a client who told me she tried with all her might to control the powerful emotions raging within her regarding her husband’s constant lateness. Eventually, she almost succeeded in being “composed,” only for him to turn to her and say with irritation that she reminded him of the English Queen. Her cold behavior was felt as even more unpleasant than a display of authentic affect.
It is good to learn to contain our strong emotions; it is a vital part of maturing. But it is also good, occasionally, to do the exact opposite. Even if our inner upbringing assures us it is better to be merciful like the Virgin Mary, there are moments when we need to “rage.” To let off steam. To throw a few thunderbolts.
To express the “wild woman” within. Like the cat, there is a very independent part of us that cannot tolerate “overpopulation” indefinitely. And it is good for that part to show its claws—for the sake of progress. The same progress that helped the Hopi people emerge to live above ground.
The overpopulation of our “inner kingdom” with too many unexpressed feelings is a sign that it is time for evolution. It is time for the masculine part to take action to improve the situation. This applies to everyone, regardless of gender.
Check to see if it’s time for a small, refreshing storm in your relationship. The air is always so much fresher afterward!
Kameliya Hadzhiyska
