“Fears in relationship are usually rooted in our agendas for the other person or the relationship.
It is not our job to try to make a relationship what we think it should be. If someone is not acting like a great romantic lover, perhaps they are not meant to be one for us. That does not make them ‘wrong.’ Every relationship is not meant to be a romantic adventure: if the train doesn’t stop at your station, it’s just not your train.
The ego wants to use the relationship to get its own needs met; the Holy Spirit prays for the relationship to be used by God in the service of His purposes. And His purpose is always for us to learn how to love more sincerely. We love sincerely when we let others be who they are. The ego seeks intimacy through control and guilt. The Holy Spirit seeks intimacy through acceptance and freedom.
In a holy relationship, we don’t try to change the person; we try to see their beauty. Our prayer becomes: ‘Dear God, please take the scales from my eyes. Help me to see the beauty of my brother.’ The inability to accept people as they are is the source of pain in a relationship.” — Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
If we approach relationships with a hidden agenda, we are essentially living in fear, not in love. True intimacy is born when we drop the need to control and allow the other person their freedom. Our only task is to see the beauty that is already there, rather than the perfection we wish to create.
When we stop struggling to make the train stop at our station, we finally become available for the journey that is actually meant for us.
