When Sexual Desire Is Not What It Seems

Things are not always what they appear to be on the surface. This also applies to sexual desire. The sexual attraction we experience is not always what it seems at first glance—a purely physical desire for sex. Sometimes it can mean exactly the opposite: a powerful spiritual impulse trying to break through into our conscious attitude, but instead of being experienced psychologically, it is lived out in its physical form.

According to analytical psychology, the reason sexuality and spirituality are so deeply intertwined lies in the fact that both have their roots in the instinctual nature of the human being. When Jung speaks of the instinctual nature of the human psyche, he refers both to archetypes as psychological forms through which symbolic contents manifest and are experienced, and to purely physical instincts, such as the drive toward reproduction and the pursuit of sexual pleasure.

While the former are realized on a symbolic level, the latter are satisfied through concrete, material forms in the external world. In Jungian analysis, the pair of opposites symbolic–concrete is used to describe the conflict that lies at the heart of the complex processes of individuation and the attainment of inner wholeness. This conflict permeates all aspects of our everyday life, and the choice of how to respond to a sexual impulse is only one of its expressions.

In short, Jungian analysis approaches the relationship between spirituality and sexuality by asserting that a certain impulse arising from the unconscious may be experienced as sexual desire without being an expression of sexuality per se. It may instead represent the activation of the archetype of the Self in our life—that is, a spiritual impulse seeking embodiment in symbolic forms.

Of course, sexual desire can also be an expression of natural physiological needs for sexual contact. Only we ourselves can discern what is appropriate for us—the symbolic or the concrete form of its fulfillment. However, if the desire is compulsive, obsessive, or unusually intense, it is most likely an awakening of spiritual energy within the body.

Because a proper understanding of the relationship between sexuality and spirituality is, in my view, of great importance, I have decided below to share a relatively long quotation from Marie-Louise von Franz’s book Alchemy: An Introduction to the Symbolism and the Psychology. In it, this gifted Jungian analyst presents her understanding of the subject while commenting on an ancient Greek alchemical text entitled Isis the Prophetess to Her Son—in which an angel seeks sexual union with Isis, but she does not yield to him; instead, she asks for knowledge and tells him to wait.

*“Very often contents of the collective unconscious break through in instinctual form, as some kind of instinctual drive—power, sex, or something similar. The invasion of the unconscious into libido is first presented on an animal or lower level, and this is something we experience again and again. The development of consciousness also presents itself in this form.

One of the major problems in psychological reality is recognizing this. You may say that it is a sexual impulse, fantasies, or even a physical sexual drive. But one must always decide whether this is real sex, or a disguised unconscious impulse that leads to knowledge and progress in consciousness, but initially manifests in such a form.

If one has no prejudices, one may try it, but experience has shown that delay is wise. Let us imagine that a man has a powerful anima projection onto a particular woman, and the desire for sex is very strong. She yields, and afterward everything disappears. This often happens with Don Juan types. After the fact it means nothing to him. He leaves the woman and thinks, ‘Oh damn, that wasn’t what I wanted!’

Thus one may say that it was not that in the beginning either, but only masked in this way; the impulse did not reach its goal and meaning, and no progress in consciousness was achieved. The impulse can be resisted and understood in terms of what it truly leads toward, because, as we know, impulses to act often appear first in physical form when they cannot reach consciousness directly.”* (pp. 58–59)

*“It is a kind of explosion under the staircase because it cannot climb the staircase; it is like trying to push an animal up the stairs and it jumps out the window instead. Something wants to emerge from the unconscious, but there is a short circuit and it appears as a sexual urge, because it cannot proceed any further.

Sometimes, however, it is a genuine sexual urge. One cannot claim that it is never what it appears to be, because we are warm-blooded animals and have normal physical reactions. But in such situations we often do not know what is what, and therefore the technique of Isis is above all wisdom—to delay, to understand the secret of what is pressing forward, and then to decide whether to have that small experience or not.

One must first postpone it and see what lies behind it. Sexual desire can also arise in the presence of a dying person. How inappropriate that seems! In such a case one must assume that this is not a natural sexual instinct; that is impossible. From the outset one knows that it does not mean what it seems to mean, yet it is a typical situation and one we encounter frequently. Behind it lies a whole archetypal symbolic problem. Why does sexual attraction become so important at that moment that it is directed toward the dying person and those around them? This is only one example among many. One must then delay the angel (by which Marie-Louise von Franz here means the unconscious), learn its secret, and become conscious of what lies behind the urge—that is, the strange relationship between instinct and archetype.”* (p. 60)

*“Human beings have inherited something structurally that causes them to act and think in certain ways, and therefore we are not always clear about these two aspects. Because contents of the unconscious have a physical as well as a somatic and psychological aspect, sometimes something that should pass through the psychological aspect passes through the physical one, and the physical through the psychological; they are like interconnected taps—if one is blocked, the water flows through the other.” (p. 62)

**“It often happens that people have major psychological problems and believe the cause to be psychological, and then experience something physical and the whole problem disappears. They have blocked an instinct—let us say a sexual one—which then manifests as a philosophical problem about God. Freud generalized this! He observed that it happened often and believed everything could be explained on that level, but that is not the case. You can block one end, and it will emerge by a detour.

This is one of the eternal conflicts—should it be lived concretely or understood symbolically? Does it have the meaning of realization, or should it simply be lived without much reflection? This is a major problem. It is said that by blocking and delaying a physical impulse, progress in consciousness can be achieved.”* (p. 62)

–All quotations above are from Alchemy: An Introduction to the Symbolism and the Psychology; emphasis mine.


From the quotations above it is easy to see the parallel between the concept of libido in Jungian analysis and the understanding of Kundalini in Eastern spiritual traditions. Jung uses the terms energy and libido interchangeably and, unlike Freud—who attributes an exclusively sexual character to libido—regards it as fundamentally neutral energy. It may choose to express itself sexually, but it may also express itself in other forms. It is, quite simply, energy.

The same applies to Kundalini—the “sleeping serpent” at the base of the spine, the fundamental life energy with which we are born. In its unawakened state it is realized through concrete material forms of sexual relationships; when it begins to rise through the central energy channel and reaches the crown chakra, its ascent leads to Self-realization or enlightenment. People who have experienced the awakening of Kundalini sometimes describe it as a cosmic orgasm—one that, unlike the physical orgasm during sexual intercourse, is far more powerful and encompasses not only the physical dimension but also the mental, emotional, and religious Self.

From my own observations I have learned that the awakening of Kundalini involves a wide range of bodily changes, and one of them is indeed a change in sexual desire. It may become extremely intense, or the opposite may occur—it may diminish or disappear entirely. The awakening of the “sleeping beauty” in the root chakra can generate considerable confusion if one does not know how to interpret properly the changes that accompany it. When these changes affect sexuality, it is important to know that no correct answer or recommendation can come from outside—each person must decide for themselves.

What helps in such cases is being informed that things are not always what they appear to be, and that sexual desire is not always an expression of a desire for physical sex. Such knowledge allows one to choose what is right for them—to realize the sexual impulse in concrete physical forms or to work it through symbolically, inwardly. To continue Marie-Louise von Franz’s metaphor: sometimes it is good to let the “animal” out to play, and at other times it is better to close the door and try to guide it up the staircase, however difficult that may be. What matters is knowing that the “animal” is one and the same, but the forms of its expression are different.

The complex and intertwined relationship between sexuality and spirituality can be observed in many situations. A typical one frequently encountered in psychoanalysis is the emergence of strong sexual desire between therapist and client. In such cases, the appropriate response is precisely what Marie-Louise von Franz describes—rather than realizing these desires externally, they are to be analyzed in their symbolic form and their inner dimensions explored. Thus the “animal” is pushed up the staircase, and it turns out not to be what it initially claimed to be.

Another typical situation is the emergence of erotic attraction between colleagues working together on a shared project, where mutual inspiration and intellectual resonance are present. Here too it often turns out that the energy of the Self archetype has been activated, but is manifesting in the disguised form of a purely sexual impulse.

Therefore, if one is uncertain about what is appropriate in their particular case, Jungian analysts advise: it is better to wait, because delay is wise.

Kameliya Hadzhiyska


∗Note: The quotations are translated from Bulgarian and are not presented as verbatim citations.

Psychologist and psychotherapist, founder of espirited.com.
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