In Gestalt therapy there is a well-known text, often referred to as a “prayer,” written by its founder, Fritz Perls. It reads:
“I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.“∗
I have always liked this text because, in a single stroke, it frees us from the power struggles involved in trying to change the other—struggles that often appear to be driven by good intentions, but in reality arise from a refusal to accept reality as it is.
It reminds me of The Little Prince and his journey toward Earth. After leaving his planet, asteroid B-612, and before arriving on Earth, the Little Prince visits a series of small planets inhabited by a king, a vain man, a drunkard, a businessman, a lamplighter, and a geographer (asteroids 325 through 330). Through these encounters he learns new and important words—such as admiration and ephemeral. Yet he does not remain on any of these planets. Quite simply, he is himself, and the others are others—inhabitants of different asteroids.
Of all six encounters, the only person he feels drawn to is the lamplighter, because the lamplighter is the only one not absorbed in himself. Even so, they do not become friends. The lamplighter’s planet is too small; its rhythm leaves no space for relationship. The Prince offers him a practical solution to his problem, but when the advice is rejected, he does not insist. He simply sympathizes—and moves on.
Eventually, this is how the Little Prince reaches Earth, where the number of kings, businessmen, geographers, and the like multiplies endlessly. Up to this point, the principle “I am me, you are you” seems to hold perfectly.
The difficulty arises when the Prince meets the fox.
The fox asks to be tamed. And taming requires effort, patience, and desire. It is no longer simply “I live my life, and you live yours.” An encounter happens; after the encounter comes separation, and from that separation comes pain.
Why am I sharing all this?
Because of duality. To show that both aspects are true: that sometimes it can’t be helped, and that sometimes something can still be done. It takes great wisdom to discern what belongs to which category—what is within our power and what is not.
Perhaps the first step is simply to remember that the equation called “life on Earth” always has two sides.
And never to forget that.
Kameliya
∗Fritz Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim (1969)
