It is often said that crying helps us feel better. However, this does not apply to crying born of a secondary feeling<\/b>\u2014the so-called self-pity.<\/p>\n
While the primary form of this emotion relates to a feeling of deep pain and grief caused by loss, its pseudo-version manifests differently. Instead of feeling the depth of the pain, we experience a resistance to the fact that we are hurting. This is how we fall into the trap of self-pity.<\/p>\n
The irony is that while we find it extremely unpleasant when someone treats us with condescending pity, this is exactly how we treat ourselves when we indulge in self-pity. We dislike being told “poor him” or “poor her,” yet we tell ourselves “poor me” and can live for years in the fog of self-pity. If we understand the difference between these two ways of relating to our suffering, we can escape the trap of unconscious thoughts that fuel secondary grief. Then, even if we mourn our lot in life, it will not rob us of our inner strength; it will increase it. Our compassion for the millions of others who suffer from life’s injustices will also grow.<\/p>\n